Module 1 - Active listening and being heard
Listening effectively is vital, but it is often overlooked: listening is something that we all assume we know how to do. However, there is a difference between listening in the way we normally do – just being aware of what is being said to us and using active listening. Active listening is a simple but powerful technique designed to make your listening as effective as possible.
For a conversation to be successful, it is essential that a speaker not only is heard but also feels that they have been heard. If a speaker keeps repeating themselves, it is often because they don’t feel like they have been fully understood. Sometimes making sure that someone feels heard is as important as actually solving the problem. Active listening ensures that the speaker knows they’ve been heard.
Video - Let’s watch a video of two people having a discussion in their home.
What went wrong? Jot down a few notes.
How active listening works
- Listen carefully to what is being said
- Acknowledge how the speaker feels
- When there is a pause in the conversation, summarise what the speaker has said in your own words and repeat it back
- Don’t give advice, opinions, or share your experiences – simply summarise
- Check the speaker agrees with your summary
- Don’t become involved – let them speak
Video - Let’s watch another attempt at the conversation.
What was better this time?
Task - Active listening exercise
Overview
1. Work with a partner
2. Person A talks for 4 minutes about a really bad day they’ve had
3. Person B practices active listening whilst A speaks
4. Swap roles and repeat 2 and 3
5. Give each other feedback on the exercise
Detail:
One person will speak for four minutes whilst the other listens carefully, practicing active listening techniques.
The key is to listen carefully to what you are being told, then, when there is a natural pause, summarise back to the person what they have said to you. This shows them that you have been listening, and that you have understood what they have said. Do not attempt to offer any solutions to their problems, or practical suggestions, or opinions on what they said– simply reflect back to them. Your aim is to indicate that you’ve heard, not that you can solve their problems for them. Also, resist the temptation to talk about your own experiences, to tell them you understand, or to prompt them too explicitly.
When you’ve completed the 4 minute exercise, reverse roles.
Afterwards, spend a few minutes giving feedback to each other:
- Did the other person listen to you effectively?
- Did they stick to the brief of reflecting back to you without offering comment or
advice? - Did you feel they understood what you’d said?
The importance of listening
Listening is important for a number of reasons:
- it builds rapport - it makes a person feel more comfortable with you and means they are more likely to trust you
- It defuses emotion - if someone can ‘talk themselves out’ they’ll often calm down, making it easier for you to solve their problems
- it may reveal the real problem - people will often talk around a problem for a while before revealing what they feel the heart of the issue is
- if a person believes they have been listened to, they are far more likely to trust your decisions and advice
A common complaint about organisations is not that they can’t solve every problem, but that ‘they don’t listen’. If we can make residents feel heard, even if we can’t solve their problems immediately, this will increase the trust that they feel in us and ensure that they are more likely to speak with us again.
Example of good active listening
A: I was so frustrated – I was running late already because, oh I can’t remember, but I was late and then I had to wait for practically ten minutes for a bus to show up, then the traffic was so slow and there was nothing I could do about it. You know one of those days where you just get more and more late and more and more stressed? Well I felt like I was going to go crazy on this bus and… oh, there
was this kid playing music on his phone on the seat behind me, and I could have lost it with him…
B: You were obviously really frustrated, and as time went on you just got more and more stressed…
A: That’s right, I was just so wound
Last Updated on Thursday, 23 June 2011 09:00
